In brazil neither Alqaeda worked

By Paulino R. e Silva

Documents kept in secret by the Federal Police reveal that Al Qaeda settled a plan for an attack in Brazil. The goal would be the statue of Christ the Redeemer, one of the more renown symbols in the country. The Federal Police says that two terrorists arrived in Rio, on Sunday, September fifth, in a flight by Air France.

The mission started to have problems at the landing with their luggage being lost, following in a flight to Paraguay. After wandering through many counters with a hard time to communicate due to their bad English, the terrorists left the airport, warned by officials of Infraero (A State Department Office) to return the following day with interpreters. The terrorists picked up a pirate taxi when leaving the airport. The driver, aware that they were foreigners, drove around the town randomly, up and down, until abandoning them in a solitary place called Baixada Fluminense, where three accomplices mugged and robbed them. Luckily they remained with some bucks they had hidden within their belts and a gaz truck driver gave them a ride.

On Monday, at half past seven am , thanks to guerrilla training in Afganistan they managed to arrive at a hotel in Copacabana beach. Then they rent a car and came back to the airport, decided to hijack the plane and throw it against the statue of Christ the Redeemer. In the way they faced a march of teachers and students who were on strike and stayed for three hours jammed in Brazil Avenue, near Manguinhos slum where their watches were stolen in a theft people call “arrastão” (plenty of robbers run by you at the same moment). At noon they decided to return to downtown and look for an exchange place where they could change the few dollars they still had. Bad Luck.

They got false money. Notes of R$ 100 that are made grossly of one real notes. AT last, at 15:45 they arrived at the Tom Jobim airport to hijack the airplane. More problems. The Varig pilots were on strike for more wage and less work. The flight controllers also had stopped work demanding to receive the same wages as the pilots. The only plane in the pitch belonged to Transbrasil, but it was without fuel. In the hall airlines workers and passengers were cantoned, singing “pagode” – regional music – and crying slogans against the government. Watching everything without understanding anything arrived the Military Police battaillon spanking everybody and neither them, the terrorists, escaped.

The arabs were conducted to the Federal Police Department at the airport accused of Drug Traffic due to a forged flagrant by the police, who tucked cocaine curlpaper in their pockets. Taking the chance of a prisoner`s rescue done by the Red Command (A group of bandits) they managed to run of the jail in middle of the turmoil and the shootings. At 7:45 pm the covered with blood Moslem`s went to the Air Company reception desk for the fatal trip. But the clerk who sold them the tickets forgot to tell them that the company`s flights were suspended for unsettled time. Then they discussed among themselves and were in doubt if to destroy Rio de Janeiro City, after all, instead of being a terrorist act would not be a charity act. At eleven thirty pm, dirty and starving they decided to have a snack at the airport.

They asked for sandwiches of barbecue with cheese and lemonade. Only on Tuesday, at 4:35 am did they manage to recover from a overpowering intoxication due to the rotten meat, They were dealt with in MIguel Couto Hospital, after waiting for more then three hours so that the ambulance would come and then roamed through the public service hospitals till finding room for them. Were it not for the Cholera, brought about by the fecal bacteria in the water used for the lemonade, they would have to wait more two days in the queue in order to be examined. Weakened they only went out from the Hospital on Sunday and, at 6:20 pm, this same day, the Bin Laden men left the hospital and reached the Maracanan Stadium, a soccer field. Flamengo Club had been defeated by Parana Club, 6 to zero.

The black and red fans – Flamengo`s fans – misled the terrorists with the rival`s fans and walloped them. Dizzy with the spanking thy decided, even against Mahomet`s law, to binge drink. Fuck the Prophet! They drunk bogus “cachaça” – Alcoholic beverage made of sugar cane – adulterated with methanol, and had to return to the hospital. On Monday, at eleven forty two, pm, they run away from Rio de Janeiro, hidden in the rear seat of a warehouse truck which was robbed some time after in Araras Mountain Range.

Lost, hungry, without the power to walk or sit, they were brought by a NGO related to the human rights to São Paulo city where they wandered the whole day looking for food. Tired, they ended up by sleeping under a store`s canopy downtown. The Federal Police didn`t yet reveal the hospital where both were interned after being beaten almost to death by a group of beggars`s killers. The terrorists became so scared and overwhelmed by life in Brazil that they are thinking about formalizing an agreement to bring Al Qaeda personnel to drill here!!!